Ice Cold in Alex - Er, No It's Warm and No Time for Beer

The Alexandria experience starts with us picking up a police escort from one very bored Egyptian plod. He follows us to the Hotel Cecile where we meet Navine our guide for the day. The temperature up here is cooler, the city more European and there are trams! All of it overlayered with Egypts special brand of chaos in that the trams get in the way of traffic, the market gets in the way of the trams, the market is moved in the way of the traffic and any notion of timetable is thrown out the window. Banana tram line her we come...

There is something nice about the racks of pots of water placed about the city for weary travellers to grab a drink from too. Can't work out if the origins are purely Alexandrine or just trad middle eastern hospitality. Navine points them out on our way to the catacombs.

The catacombs we visit are greco-roman with a local twist. Anubis, Thoth and Horus get the gig along with winged sun discs, protective serpents. However Medusa and Persephone geg in on the gig too. Also the stylisms of Rome so Anubis appears with the body of a Roman soldier. Images show crude greek leanings in a tomb ub top too. However the tombs where the Egyptian influence isn't present show a remarkable similarity to modern morgue design but without the handy rollout to display the corpse features. Interesting gaff.

Our friends the filth are still with us as we leave to go to the amphitheatre, nice! Tease Hannah that she's pulled, it's there and so easy to do. The amphiteatres isn't huge, designed as a music venue but standing in the right spot the acoustics are like magic when you talk. No odd graffiti in the changing rooms testifying to the Hendrix gig in 69AD though. Also a few lumps of debris fished out from the bay, still heiroglyph covered.

Next stop grab some lunch which we heft out to Qaitbay Fort. Bleached and some how confectionary looking as a long hauler round the craggy, ugly ruins and remains of the UKs castles, fortresses etc. I somehow can't take the place seriously. Having seen the place I'd have said it was seriously underpowered. Still Cal enjoys it and enjoys Navine who he decides is his friend which is nice.

No time for promised fishes at the aquarium and its back on the bus with a quick stop to pick up drinks (still no beer!) and back to Giza we head. We pass Alamein Airport and I wonder if it's related to El Alamein in which case I've passed a major site of 20th century history without really noticing....m

It's an unimpeachable summer dream...

Road to Alex and I tune into the Cleaners from Venus. Not a huge party of us heading up there but I can't resist the lure of the place. Not I should be ashamed because of the lure of the library, (OK I witter about libraries lots but I'm way too shallow to want to visit it, and I know I'll probably regret it but the public library in Muleshoe, Texas cured me of the need to visit libraries in foriegn climes) but instead it is the lure of cold beer. Now I know I can get cold beer pretty much any time and anywhere but the lure here is that classic piece of British Cinema and superb piece of product placement 'Ice Cold in Alex'. Not perhaps the best reason to visit somewhere but then I seem to remember being in a camper van with Ian and Al that took a 200 mile detour to drive through (not stop, mind) Athens, Georgia because it was the home of REM. On such flimsy reasons my life is based.

The road to Alex from Giza where we're stopped is wide and bumpy. To either side are small flat roofed buildings usually with attached tall conical dovecots. Pigeons here seem important, Mishmish over at the Nubian's the other night was explaining they had strange honeymoon significance with 45 nights of honeymoon and 45 meals of pigeon. Make up yer own menu..... Mind you the Nubians vote with a smaller dome, more rounded than the tall efforts up here. So far I've avoided eating the things myself though.

Today is.....

Thank Blackberry it's Friday, how else would I have known.

Lost in Music

FoI, CAIRS, 'Lost in Music', The Clash and Ella Guru keep me going post first blog post of the day. Couple of FoI issues have raised there ugly head, not major concern to be honest but do highlight a fatal flaw in my FoI planning. Simply in my absence Tracy would pick up the request, log it and panic about it before usually letting me panic about it. Thing is with her on mat leave it leaves a gaping gap. Need to plug the gap more with understanding than anything else. Compounded by the usual media misunderstanding about FoI. Grenada called apparently. Sally sorts them, I despatch a couple of mails to back up calls I've suggested Sally makes.

Quick guide to updating is despatched as well. This reminds me how we need to get everyone up to speed with the new LMS.

Then Sally kindly tells me to stop working. I know where she's coming from but it has been quite pleasant as a distraction on a long train journey. Other than that it's been a fairly boring trip because there are only so many farming strips and mud brick buildings that you can find fascinating. However we do learn that the reason for so many buildings seeming to be half finished is that there is a tax on buildings that have a roof. I also see a desert fox and as Rommel is dead it must be because it has four legs.

Brief flurry of work over and done with I retreat into the ever good 'Lost in Music' which I'm onto my second copy of (dunno what I did with the first).

Thebes

Lose some blog time in Luxor, combination of factors, too much sun, touch of the Pharoes Revenge, early morning kick offs leading to afternoon kipping etc.

Day one - arrival and Cal wants to go swimming. The Hotel pool is large and I go in to supervise and get deemed a responsible adult and left with some child sitting duties (responsible?). Consequence is I sun screen Cal and insist he puts his T-shirt on when we notice a pale pink glow to his shoulder. This is sensible and he don't burn. Me, as ever less sensible, I fail to use the T-shirt. Consequence, boiled lobster shoulders. A little touch of light sunstroke that has me shivering and sweating at the odd point. Monst goes off shopping while I act sensible. Cal is swimming today and I see him swim four widths. Mightily proud of him. At this point the Pharoah's revenge kicks in with Monst big style. She dashes back and heads to the room sending Susan to tell me.

Cal goes for a kip and I go for a wander in the souk. Usual Egyptian touting for trade results in my usual blanking action born out of London begging experiences. Unless of course someone amuses me in which case I'll say no thanks. All life and death is here from lumps of meat that look like lungs and for some reason vaguely disgust me, fragrant spices, small agricultural implements to tourist gee-gaws. After half an hour I've had enough and return via the back streets that are strewn with rubbish, rubble and live down to my imagination for this part of the world. It's as foetid as it should be and real poverty is kept at bay by a low cost of living. To a certain extent it's 16th century London in the 21st century. Thankfully the London beggars have long done in my compassion in these circumstances and as the Big Issue ain't a big seller here I ain't buying.

Boys lunch out then. Cal and I partake of pizza (his choice) and for once in his life he eats well. I still don't realise my shoulders have gone lobster at this point.

The afternoon sees us wander off to the Karnak Temple by Caleche, the local horse taxis. Our driver is Karim and the horse is Susan. He feels like taking it easy so let's Callum drive. I sit back, relax and trust the horse.

At Karnak we meet Nagwa our guide and it is hot. Very hot. Hooray, I'm not the responsible adult and I get to go round the temple with most of the other adults. It's huge, the heiroglyphs are clear and some colours survive. They include shopping lists of tribute (theft?) Amongst other things. Lots of chiselling out of history of those that offended descendents. Much harder than an airbrush. We also learn that the hacking off of noses on statues was about preventing the person the statue was representing reaching the afterlife. Other interesting thing was that a load of the destruction was down to christians who set up a church halfway through the temple. Couple of pictures of Jesus and Mary. Luckily as a bunch of iconclasts Coptic Christians are lazy bastards and they left the glyphs intact beyond the point at which they set up church. Either that or they got sick of chiselling of faces. We rejoin the kids at the cafe where much drinking takes place, I shove a can of coke and half a litre of water down my throat. It dawns on me I might have had too much sun by now. By the evening it is evident, I struggle to eat but more telling is it takes a monumental effort to get a beer inside me. I then suffer a mild touch of the Pharoah's. Tip top health then.

Day Two

A result of the impact of yesterdays holiday in the sun is that I'm well groggy for the five am start of the trip to the Valley of the Kings and the prospect of getting there by donkey is not appealing. The Nile crossing though is cooling and I'm dosed up with immodium. The walk to the boat is a case of one foot in front of the other all the time. On the other side of the river in the City of the Dead I let my feet take over as we walk to the donkeys.

We get an intro to the donkeys and I brief the donkey that I am relying on it to be the sensible one in our partnership. I make a fuss the beasts ears, it's pleasant enough and donkeys are OK by me.

Pity the poor donkey man who manhandles me onto the donkey. I felt way more secure on a camel because I had a pommel and my Lawrence of Arabia fantasies to cling to. Add to that the fact that the donkey and I both know it's in charge and that it is a pack animal that finds it's own place in donkey kind and I feel I'm doing pretty well to steer the bloody thing right or left as required. The journey itself lulls me into a sense of false security as it starts with an easy journey by road. Then we hit the mountain that the Valley of the Kings lives in and we go off road and onto a limestone path littered with loose stones. Throw in some preciptous drops to the right and the sensation that the poor donkey's legs are going to buckle under the weight of the FLB me and it ain't the best trip on the planet. Then yelps of fear from Monst and the fact neither of us have seen Cal since he climbed on his donkey and it's a good trip. The steep hill climb where we get off comes as a bit of a relief. However it leads to a remount at which point I fall off. Following the wisdom of ancient horse people who have the sense of the beasts on which they sit, I immediately get on again. The end of the donkey ride is frankly a relief.

We walk and slide down to the Valley of the Kings (admiration for the donkeys increases as I feel the loose path below my feet). There I fail to eat breakfast (don't trust my stomach yet) and we meet Nagwa. She explains the tomb and it floats above my head. However we go into three of the tombs and the carving and colours the contain are breathtaking. Absolutely amazing and well worth the donkey ride. Luckily Matt has decided the return journey will be by taxi because it is hot and bad news for donkey's.

We catch a car train to the taxis and then to the Temple of Hatshepsup. She was Pharoah and a bit of a cross dresser in that she snatched the throne from her nephew, pretended to be a bloke and everyone pretended to believe her to be before shagging her architect and being chiselled out of history by her nephew when he eventually reclaimed his throne. It's remarkably intact and restored by a joint Egyptian polish effort. Despite the heat, my general sluggishness it's worth the visit. We say goodbye to Nagwa and off home we go.

On return to the hotel I collapse for a couple of hours kip. Cal and Monst kip too. I wake up to find Monst asking if I've read her note. Er.... No is the answer. She woke early and went in search of food and drink. She fancies a swim so we wake poor Callum and they go in the pool.

I feel vaguely alive by the time we go out for a group meal across the river. Soup, dips, bread, grilled chicken, rice, mash, peas, all washed down in my case with lemon juice. I want to remain well hydrated and despite the fact I've drunk 3 litres of water during the day I still feel a little washed out. The entertainment Matt promises us is a local combo and a dancer who wirls around in a multicoloured skirt. I think they maybe a local version of the Damned. Neat, Neat, Neat.

Day 3

4.45 wake up call and off we go back to Hatshepsup. This time for a balloon flight. The luxury extends to a cup of char on the boat which I greedily swallow. Then the balloon, it's huge, can cope with up to 28 people and because of prevailing wind conditions we travel over the Nile. On landing the pilot proves himself to be the bastard son of Barry White as he demands kisses from all the women. Monst escapes by having to borrow the toilet of the farmer who's field we've landed in. Pharoah's is strong in this one.

Laden with certificates and Hod-Hod Suliman T-shirts it's back to the hotel for breakfast. Cal and I discover the Crepes and choclate sauce. Yay! Kiddie breakfast. Coffee job done.

Drag the bags downstairs and it's pile into the taxis and off to the train station to catch a train for 9 hours of journey to Cairo. Last time we did this it was a longer journey by sleeper but this is a long haul day train. Main advantage I can catch up with my reading and blogging, listen to a little music etc.

The kids so far a little fractious. Monst kips in turn with Cal so that when she's awake he's asleep for the first three hours of the journey.

Aswan to Luxor

Wake up call sees the whole family sluggish. I wander into the bathroom like an abbreviated Herman Munster. Pack in slow motion and wander downstairs for the first coffee of the day.

Taxi to Aswan station is hairy with the usual erratic driving and the Egyptian taxi habit of driving without headlights don't help.

Train to Luxor and that's where I'm at right now.

Dinner with the Nubians

3.00 am the phone goes, wake up call for a trip to the temple at Abu Simbal. We pile onto a bus that piles into a convoy and away we go across the desert. We all promptly go to sleep, I wake at six to find sand and rocks all around and happily munch the bready breakfast. The temple has huge statues of Rameses and his Mrs. Lots of hieroglyphs and a few pics of amongst others Thoth (at which I get predictably excited). Smaller temple, that of Mrs Rameses, lots of pics etc. Both moved with the building of the Aswan Dam. I'm as interested in the engineering feat as the temples, but I'm notoriously sad that way!

All of this 280k south, 40k from the Sudan border. We're there for 9.00 and it is hot. We leave just gone 10.00 and thank non-existent deities for the air conditioning in the bus. Kids play cards with Matt the tour leader, I read and sleep, sleep and read. Hit the pool on return to Aswan (at least Cal does), food and then a felucca trip with Mishmish a nubian. Fun messing about on boats to Kitchener's Island. Botanical gardens founded by the bent general who arrived at Khartoum late. At least he did something constructive before getting thousands killed in the first world war as a result of his pointy finger. Nice gardens, nice cafe, relaxing time. Back on the boat, quick career change to locksmith because Monst has buggered up the lock on her case. Quick dip in the pool.

Main event of the evening is dinner with the Nubians. Mishmish takes us out toa nubian village and we learn that pigeons play an imprportant part in marriage as does partying. The honeymoon lasts 48 days etc. Drink hibiscus tea while he tells us about it. Off to another house for dinner. The Nubians are wonderfully hospitable and you can't help but like them. Monst and Cal get henna tatoos. I just chill. I also sort my mode of transport for work.

Back to the hotel and Monst has a touch of pharoah's revenge. I grab a beer. Early kick off 5.00 am start. So early to bed.

Panorama

9.00 am and we arrive at Aswan Station and it's hot. Combine this with a taxi ride in a Peugeot 405 (do they exist or have I made them up) which seems to have lost its dashboard and be on its last legs and the morning feels pretty terrifying. Luckily up front I have a seatbelt, the downide is I have a view of the vehicles that we hurtle towards, horn blaring.

Our hotel is opposite the Old Cataract which apparently inspired Agatha Christie (ex-Sinodun Player) to write 'Death on the Nile' not certain that's the best strapline, 'Come stay at the Old Cataract Hotel, inspiration for Death on the Nile'. On arrival we locate room and in room airconditioning. It goes on. Monst and Cal opt for rest, I opt to hoof it to the Souk and post office. I spend the walk avoiding calache drivers, taxi drivers, falluca skippers and wee boys selling papyrus bookmarks. In the souk its avoiding everyone mentioning Yorkshire or what are rapidly becoming the two most chilling phrases in the English language 'Tally-ho' and 'Lovely Jubbly'. Although Ali who came out with 'Nice to see you, to see you nice' should gaina prize as the least likely and realistic Bruce Forsythe impersonater I've ever come across. I almost buy some sandles but get baffled by the cost. But generally just take a few snaps and buy dome stamps.

Back at the hotel I'm in demand from Callum to take him swimming. It's nice and cool in the pool, but I could live without the description of being his pet whale. An hour later and its lunch at the Panorama by the Nile. For the huge amount of 4 quid sterling we eat and drink coke for three.

2 o'clock its a camel ride on the other side of the river. We grab a ferry and head over. Cal and I share a camel called Simba. I kinda like camels (they're bad tempered, gruff and kinda superior) but I hadn't realised they were related to deck chairs. This manifests itself when having climbed on the poor beast it gets up by unfolding its legs which are tucked underneath it meaning you have to hold on to the pommel of the saddle for dear life or on my case, saddle and Callum. Follow this with their curious rolling motion and it was a case of clinging on whilst mentally binning all of those Lawrence of Arabia fantasies. Still Cal and I enjoy it and we arrive at the monastery of St Michaels (home of St Simeon who collected the devout by going all David Blane upa variety of poles until the point he could just say 'Simon says 'give me all your cash' before counting the loot and inventing a kiddies game to boot. We are shown round by a geezer who does sound effects and tells us about cooking with camel crap. Interesting for me though.

Simba returns us to the boat and from there we return to the cool pool. Dinner we return to the Panorama where I have meat fatta for one quid twenty a couple of nits of unknown meat, some garlic, boiled rice and bread cooked in a garlic sauce. It's nice, and I enjoy it. Cal and Monst have chicken and chips. On return to the hotel I head for the bar, fetch some water, have a beer and talk footie with the barman. He likes Man Utd and therefore eats prawn sandwiches. Then bed by 10.00 because we have a three am start to get to Abu Simbel tomorrow. However stuck in my head are the kids repeating some bizarre incantation about skunks, graveyard and farting. Great.....

Views from the compartment

Train of two halves, on my right, fields, lots of green on my left desert.

Slept well, if occaisionally fitfully. Wake at about 7 am. Open the curtains to find an old girl covered from head to toe in black, with a white bucket on her head looking at the train. Lots of donkey carts, the occaisional fisherman on the canal that runs beside the track. Mix of modern flats and low mud brick buildings. There's even been someone hand milking a cow. Loadsa camels too. Later we go for a camel trek.

On the other side, its rocky and sandy. Hilly dusty and full of nothing.

Mystery Train

Sleeper train from Giza to Aswan and I'm stupidly excited about it. The carriage we're in has been taken over by our little gaggle of families. Jokes about 'Murder on the Orient Express' abound mixed in with a bit of 'St Trinians's Great Train Robbery' and a plethora of British black and white jolly japes in the dorm type things as the kids plan a midnight feast. Why do we as a nation love that kind of film? It's beyond my experience and that of most of the peole I know. Weird... It's the sleeper bit that excites me. I've never had the dosh or more relistically considered sleep important enough to pay for a sleeper. Although inter-railing I did bunk a night on a couchette. So it must be a luxury thing. Plus I get a compartment to myself so while the kids have a midnight feast, I plan to settle down with Robyn Hitchcock's 'Luxor' and Jonny Notpod.

Stella with the airline food on a train. I steer clear of the fish, I'm not keen on most things piscatorial simply because I'm a lazy bastard and don't do bones. I'm the same with chicken pieces. Instead I hit the stuffed aubergine which is palatable.

The guard comes and sorts out the bed, one quick pull and its sorted. Nice action, tartan blanket. In response I get remarkably organised and sort clothes for the morning. Get rid of clothe from today into the laundry compartment of my bag. Lie back, turn on, tune in and blog out.

Where are the Bangles?

Inside the second pyramid you learn how to bend over and walk in a confined space briefly. The decor is rock, the burial chamber is large but not spacious and somebody has fitted air conditioning and I'm guessing it ain't the Pharoah. Temp is warm, water is taken on board.

Next stop a panoramic view. Pic opp and involves taking pics for other people. Get pics of delightfully disdainful camels. Cally pics up the obligatory rock, I slip it in my pocket.

Then the Sphinx and the temple of the Valley. This is where Hallah the guide first shows her groovy thang. Very good, engages the kids with dreadful mummification tales. Camera goes mad. Intersting stuff. Over 3000 years ago they could cut and line up massive granite columns yet I find myself now with the application of massive technology, supposedly advanced project management and an architect who can't tell the difference between a door and a window, or believe me when I say libraries are bloody heavy.

Leave there for a papyrus museum, where for three and a half quid I buy a thoth linked bit of papyrus. Museum it ain't

Next port of call is the Cairo Museum. Poor Cally gets museumed out and asks the guide why the Egyptians only had mummies and no daddies? Lots of the exhibits are stunning especially the Tutenkhamen stuff. I'm most impressed, Monst is most impressed and Callum is like, whatever.

Post museum a little light shopping and pizza. Yes, come to Egypt, sample the local food.... Not my choice but fills a wee hole. Does give me a chance to introduce myself to Egyptian beer with a couple of bottles of Stella and welcome it is too.

Now heading for the station...

Oasis

Wake at 6.00 am local time which is about 4.00 am in English money. Grab a shower, shove some film in the camera and take Jonny Notpod for a walk. Steve Wynn's 'Sweetness and Light' acts as my jump start to the day. Take photos of palm trees etc. It has to be done and now it has been. Discover a playground for Cal on my perambulate. Share the Oasis Hotel with some large rook like birds and a set of flies. I suspect I may look back on this bit of the day fondly later because it is delicously cool. All it needs is a coffee (and less flies) to make it near perfect.

Plan of the day is an early trip to the pyramids, a nip round a papyrus gaff and then the Cairo museum. A bit of time to ourselves and then the delights of a sleeper train to Aswan I believe.

Brief impressions of Egypt are the people are pleasant but not wealthy. Baksheesh will become an overly familiar term to us I suspect. Not a big problem Matt will take care of most of it from his Tip Kitty. However our notes are as yet relatively high denomination so we aren't in a posistion to be handing out dosh left right and centre or at least not without giving unexpected amounts of dosh to people.