Film of the Bungy Jump

Through the wonders of You Tube here comes the film of the Auckland Bungy Jump

Right now my head is still marginally wrecked by the dreaded jetlag as I try and sort the technorati tags for the posts wile I've been away. On the jetlag front we got back on what I was convinced was Wednesday (turns out it was Wednesday, Friday therefore was naturally Thursday it was only the marginal increase in crap sitcoms on TV that alerted me to the fact it was in fact Friday). Slept most of yesterday afternoon and again from about 8.00. Woke at 3.00 this morning, frantically trying to stay awake today to try and reach some level of normality. Meanwhile poor Monst returns to work tonight

Yesterday we ordered prints from a CD we'd burnt at Boots at the No Mercy, followed that with a lunch of Pizza at the Pizza Hut and I went to the Ying Wah when I surfaced from my afternoons kip. Other than that Flickr photo's, just Monsts to go. Returned to the No Mercy to fetch photies and in search of this years Arsenal kit for the boy for PE purposes. Success on the former not on the latter. Monst will sort in the week.

Technorati Tags: Bungy Jump, You Tube, Auckland Harbour Bridge, Jetlag, Tagging, No Mercy Retail Park, Sleep, Blogging

Bo Sydney

We get off the plane in Sydney, the locals are friendly, the door of the corridor we leave the plane on is locked, we the passengers have to call for assistance to open it. Security is good though, it takes me three attempts to get through the magic gate, for some reason they seem to be reluctant to frisk me. Still by the time I've got my boots off I'm OK, but I was worried for a minute that this would be a progressive strip search that was very public!

In departures I get to by Cal and Monst T-shirts, I avoid boomarangs and digeridoos. However there is one redeeming feature of the airport. Free web access so I can pay the phone bill!

Technorati Tags: Sydney Airport, Internet Access, Security, T-Shirts

Of Chocolate, Hotels and Records Records

So Arsenal begin their tenure proper at the Emirates with a 1-1 draw with Villa. Not suprising I guess, new stadium hoodoo and all that crap. Feel completely out of the loop on it all to be honest having been here in NZ for all of the build up.

Dunedin and Monst is amazed how studenty a city the place is. People seem to be graduating so loads of gowns and mortar boards about the place, also loads of pissed students. We stop and nip into the local i-site to get directions to the Leisure Lodge. Head up there and book in. Discover that the Waikato Rugby side who are in town to take on Otago are stopping and for Monst previous residents include the Scotland team (for me England's one day side have stopped here!) and there is a party of funeral directors in!

Walk back to the I-Site and book a penguin trip for Sunday afternoon. As we do so we play the compare Dunedin with Edinburgh game. Everything we've read compares the two places, our conclusion is we are confused. Yeah, sure the odd civic building fits the bill, maybe even the odd house but in general very little comparison. Still what do we know.

To give Mosnt a bit of a break to do her own thing I respond to Cal's demands to go to Cadbury's World (when he first asked I figured its a bloody long way to Brum!) So that's what we do but not before I drag him to Records Records. Not perhaps Cal's sort of place but for me it had to be done.

Cadbury's world was interesting, don't know why I hadn't associated the Cadbury's with the whole Quaker chocolate thing so that came as a bit of a revelation. We chomp on cocoa beans, a touch bitter but as I like bitter choclate and nuts I kinda like it. Get shown round by a geezer in a set of bright purple dungarees and see a chocolate waterfall (surely that should be chocolatefall), witness boxes on conveyer belts and see chocolate buttons manufactured. I was underwhelmed but Cal seems to have enjoyed it. We also came away with the odd sample.

Evening eat the predictable chinese and good it is too at the Blue Skies. Wander back to the hotel where I collapse and Monst does the laundry.

Technorati Tags: Dunedin, Arsenal, Aston Villa, Students, Graduation, Waikato Rugby Team, Cadbury's World, Records Records, Blue Skies Chinese Restaurant

Of Penguins, Boats, Buses, Power Stations and Fur Seals

The key event of the holiday for Callum is achieved as yesterday we go on a cruise round Doubtful Sound (really a Fjord but Captain Cook couldn't spell that and didn't go in because of the narrow entrance hence the Doubtful title, mind you the local spelling is Fiord so he ain't alone!) Yes we see one of the Fiordland Crested Penguins (not the two shown in the pic our pics need rescuing yet). Cal is made up because penguins are one of the reasons he fancied New Zealand as a holiday location. We are relieved as a result but will try and find more once in Dunedin which is where we head today.

As for the Doubtful Sound gig, well it began badly in that a several Real Journeys buses travel past the hotel. Monst comes out with the Fraser "We're doomed, all doomed" and hormonally demands I head to the Real Journey's Office (just down the road to find out whats happening), given that the weather sees it pissing it down I'm not keen, I'd rather get wet later. Anyway as I get halfway to the office the predictable happens and the bus arrives which sees me scurrying back to the hotel to meet it and breathless for the first part of the journey. It's all a public health conspiracy I tell you.

Bus takes us to Pearl Harbour (no not that one) on Lake Manapouri. Form there we transfer to a boat to cross the lake. Meet some nice folk and also some people we met on the trip up at Piahia and again in Fox Glacier. Chat and travel, catch up on the postcards.

On the other side of the lake we transfer to a bus and travel by unsealed road to Deep Cove. We stop along the way and it is explained to us that this part of the world receives huge amounts of rain and it is our good fortune to be there on a rainy day because we will get to see lots of waterfalls. We do, take lots of snaps of them. Loads of mosses etc. in the forest as a result. Lots of low cloud/mist too.

Deep Cove we transfer to a boat, designed for a hundred, as there are only twenty of us loads of space. Lots of pics of mysterious mist shrouded Islands, waterfalls etc. Not much wildlife at first. Eventually we locate some fur seals having failed to locate penguins at there usual location. Cal vaguely interested, Monst delighted as she gets to play with the settings on her camera. Carry on cruising and eventually we find a penguin. As ever I am always amazed how in the wild things are extremely well camouflaged, from a distance the penguin really blends into the rock well. Dunno why this amazes me it'd be a poor design if they didn't.

Back to Deep Cove is all of the excitement over, is it 'eck as like, we still have a trip to Manapouri Underground Power Station to look forward to. The Brits on the trip are somewhat underwhelmed it must be said. I try to get excited by the engineering feat but it ain't happening. Apologies to anyone who worked on it but comparing it with a James Bond set, well you're taking the piss.

Back on the boat, that days postcards get done and we head for Te Anau. Interesting place Te Anau, seems to me to be a bit like Milton Keynes all new build and it has a concrete Takehe instead of the cows. Still I'm probably being grossly unfair.

Eat at the hotel, food is reasonable, but it is a 70's throwback, Elvis wafts his cheesy tunes at us, I eat prawn cocktail, Monst has soup served in a Berni style bowl, venison for me for mains but Cal and Monst hit 70's fave Chicken Kiev. However the service is excellent and the staff of the hotel have been great.

Next stop Dunedin.

Technorati Tags: Te Anau, Doubtful Sound, Manapouri Underground Power Station, Rain, Fiordland Crested Penguins, Fur Seals

Of Missing Drinks and Rest

So to Te Anau, a short drive punctuated by a strange breakfast experience. Scenery is still pleasant. Breakfast is taken at the Kingston Flyer Tavern, at the station that the Kingston Flyer steam train of these parts runs from, except for at this time of year. From the sound of the only other people in the gaff the food planning committee is in. Never ever heard people get excited over the question of Beetroot or not Beetroot before! Breakfast is ordered from a most distracted person who supplies the food not the drinks. We in best Brit fashion fail to complain and dart off. Dinner at Baliez, devilled pork medallions for me and the beetroot question raises its head as they come with a betroot spicy dressing. I'm all Bert Baxter and enjoy the thing. Cal has fishfingers and Monst Fried chicken and mushrooms. Food is good as is the beer! Locate the hotel and so begins a somewhat enforced rest day. Not a huge amount to do in Te Anau in winter and we're booked to go on a cruise of Doubtful Sound today.

Technorati Tags: Te Anau, Kingston Flyer Tavern, Doubtful Sound

First Photos!

Wake and discover that the washer in the room has done its job but the dryer has failed miserably. It's too loud to have on without disturbing those around us so sent to the laundry. Gives me a Chance to flickr some of the stuff I dumped to disc the other day.

Finished off yesterday with a game of mini-golf and chinese because Pizza Hut was shut due to lack of staff - hope it wasn't food poisoning!

Bungey Centre Auckland

Fog Bound Bridge

Bungey Jumpers Here We Go

Climb to the Pod

In The Pod

Prepare to Jump

Jump!

Technorati Tags: Queenstown, Laundry, Bungey Photos, Auckland Harbour Bridge Bungey, Bungey Jumping, Mini Golf

Balloons and Rest Days

Once we arrived in Queenstown there was some levelof panic about the arrangements for the balloon trip Monst had organised with Sunrise Balloon Advetures, a quic call solved that and warned us to expect a call at 6.45 am this morning to confirm all was goin ahead with pick up at 7.15. Considerably more civilised that the 5'ish start in Egypt and Monst feeling considerably better. Cal though is knaered so we pour him into his clothes.

Andre picks us up and is great with Cal throughout the whole gig on the ground. I get to hold the baloon open as it is inflated. Duller than expected but a touch hot in places. Baloon trip itself was fun, Monst enjoye it more than last time, principally because she could relax and not have to worry about having Pharoah's Revenge. Cal enjoyd it more because he was given a box to stand on and could see over the edge. Me I just snap away.

Pic borowed from a previous passenger one Ian Smith. Will replace it as soon as I can, but that'll require access to a CD drive. On landing a fine champagne breakfast that my cold prevents me from fully enjoying. Return to the hotel, Cal wants to veg and Monst wants a kip. I head to town. Listen to a copy of Don McGlashan's 'Warm Hand' as I travel. Mighty fine it is too.

Get the memory discs from Monst's old digital camera burnt onto CD at the Happy Snappa in downtown Queenstown. Refreshing honesty as they tell me that the resolution of the photo's is duff and the pictures will be shite if we print them. I'm a bit more dubious about this but liked their style.

Said I' return to the hotel for 12.00 and we'd winkle Cal out to do summat. Both Monst and he still exhasted so I head back to town and hit the Gondola and try the luge, good stuff. Even find time for anotehr loony jump. Then head into cyber cafe to blo. Much relief at finding Firefox, makes the job so much easier than explorer. Amend day's earlier entry accordingly.

Fetch me some 'Codral cough cold & flu Day/Night' to fight winter cold. It is apperently a controlled drug C3 whateverthat means. Makes me feel better about it though. If it's controlled it must have lots of good stuff in it and I'd fail an olympic drugs test with it. Yippee placebo a-go-go.

L&P enters my life, odd stuff, can't deide if I like it or not.

Technorati Tags: Queenstown, Ballooning, Balloons, Gondola, Don McGlashan, Happy Snappa, Luge, L&P, Codral, Winter Cold

Das Boot and Das Go Cart

Voyage of Discovery

Spend the morning before we leave in Te Papa, it's not really enough time to do the place justice but it does fill our time nicely. Cal quite enjoys the earthquake experience. Monst is knackered and just chills in a movie section at one point. I'm reminded that natural and delicate graphics are good to look at. Top place.

I fetch the car, we fill the tank and head out to the Interislander Ferry Teminal, we're an hour early, check in, dump the big bag and car seat which comes as quite a relief and I sort the car. Grab the paperwork and head to a closed Hertz Office and drop off the keys.

Ferry journey is exciting for all of half an hour at least until we get close to Picton. Sort of fjord entry so very pretty. Dunno which is meant to be the Dover or Calais equivilent but which ever Picton is it's much more quaint. Sort the car at Hertz and we move to a Corolla from a Focus. Locate the hotel for the night, dump the stuff and find some food. Head to a place called the Barn. I enjoy my medallions of pork but then I like veg and it comes with plenty. Monst less impressed with her pan fried chicken. It was adequate. Good beer though.

Snow, Rain and Mud

Breakfast at the Dog and Frog in Picton is good, full fry for Monst, pancakes for the boy and me, mine with the now obligatory banana and bacon. Nice cafe as are most over here. In anticipation of drive Cal and I stretch our legs, me wandering about, him running around like a loon in a play park. Cool.

Drive to Greymouth looks long on the map, we've been told about 6 hours by locals, we do it in four including lunch stop! Monst along the way has spied On Yer Bike and considers it to be a Cal friendly activity. So we pitch up, passing the first game of rugby we've seen while here despite the evidence of a rugby mad nation. Turns out we need to wait an hour because the guide is out, indeed we see him go. Not a prob it's nice to relax. Sort the clothing, sort of wader things with boots attached, Cal is poured into his, I struggle into mine, feel like Humpty Dumpty as the thing involves braces. Then an oilskin over the top. Get into the cart and off we go round a practice course following Ian on his quad. Cal giggles and continues as we go round the thing proper, wallowing in deep long puddles, scooting through mud, we don't get up a couple of hills and requre a tow. We get wet muddy and Cal loves it. Certainly his fave thing so far.

Struggle to locate the Ashley Hotel, room is cold when we arrive, I grab a shower to wash off the much of the go carting, Monst susses the laundry because our clothes need to visit it. Dinner at the Bonsai Pizzeria in Greymouth which is good, and cheap. $60 (about twenty quid, with pizza, garlic loaf, chips, drinks and puds thrown in). Back to the hotel, Monst hits the laundry. Read more of 'How to Train Your Dragon' to the pair of them, last chapter to go now before the move to 'How to be a Pirate'.

Technorati Tags: Greymouth, Wellington, Picton, Te Papa, Interislander, Dog and Frog, On Yer Bike, Go Cart, Mud, Pizza, Laundry, How to Be A Pirate, Toothless

Situation Critical

News of the bomb plot reaches down under. Not impressed, I'm less than conviced 'intelligence' is trustworthy goin on their track record. Chemical warfare gig came to nothin, they shot an innocent geezer. We're more stressed at the tought of having to dump liquids before we leave here. No doubt Bliar will justify i by saying better safe than sorry. Meanwhile here, I'm up earlier than the family and head out for an hours blog and coffee. Nice. Ferry later to Picton. Wellington likes to party hard, buskers up at 6.00! One pub still going!

Winner of the Saddest Git of the Year Award....

As I manage to catalogue 'How to Speak Dragonese' on the library catalogue back in the UK from New Zealand...... Will delete the record when I get back but it is a fine testament to the ability of Liberty to work from anywhere. Meanwhile I am back at the laundrette as the rest of the family sleep having had a sleepless night.

Of Kiwis and Caves

Post yesterday's post nip to Borders and fetch a copy of 'How to Speak Dragonese' and up to Real Groovy Records where a copy of 'Kaleidoscope World' and the 'Stand By' Ep by the Chills are procured on CD. Real Groovy is by the way! Leave Auckland at around 8.30'ish, chuffed to get a start that early in the day. Grab a McDead Thing brekkie as we travel down State Highway 1. Headed for the Black Water Rafting Co. down at the Waitomo Caves on a mission to see the Ruarki Cave and glow worms. Along the way we come across the Kiwi House at Otorhanga, it's too good an opportunity to miss, we have to see at least one Kiwi while we're here! So we grab a quick hour here before heading on to the Caves. At the caves we grab a quick beans on toast as lunch and then Angus our guide for the trip introduces himself. He is incredibly good with Callum and lets Cal turn on lights and stuff. Top man. We all enjoy the trip and grab photos. Drive off down the 30 to Rotorua, arrive there and some more top navigation from Monst gets us to the place the hotel is meant to be. Trouble is we can't see it. I nip into the gaff we do find to ask for directions. Turns out its changed its name. So we're curently at the Sudima Hotel if you want to know. If you don't well you know now anyway! Don't like their web charges mind, yesterday an hour for a couple of dollars today 15 minutes, corporate greed strikes. Mind you the walls are less orange here.

Of Kauri, Steptoe and Son and the New President

What day is it in Blighty, I check the Blackberry and discover they're catching up and it is in fact Monday. Been Monday here all day so far! Last day in Piahia (convinced it was named by a geezer from Wigan with the Pie Here pronounciation) . We grab breakfast at Hansons (another plate of Blueberry pancakes for me) and then head. Destination ultimately is back to the New President in Auckland but we head via Waipoua Forest (where we visit Tane Mahutu - but it's pissing with rain so we don't tramp anywhere else), the Dargaville Museum and the Kauri Museum. On the Dargaville Museum front we're the first people who've been in all day when we arrive there around 11. 00. Odd place, it's like the Steptoe and Son of the Museum world, looks like the town has emptied it's collective cupboards and brought 'em up. There's redundant toys, medical equipment, musical instruments, cups galore, a fascinating exhibition on Kauri Gum which makes more sense of that gig to me which is useful later. It isn't slick but I like that kind of place and who'd have thought there was such a large Dalmation population in the area (no not the dogs but people from the former Yugoslavia). Cal enjoys it. Lunch is taken in Dargaville itself, not the best culinary experience of the trip so far. Monst unimpressed in the extreme. I guess sometimes you get lucky other times you don't. The Kauri Museum is at the opposite end of the Museum scale, it is slick, very slick and none the worse for it. It fills the gaps left by the Dargaville experience but the Dargaville gig make more sense of the Kauri gum. Good combination on the same day. It also makes up for the Dargaville culinary experience with good food and drink. Arrive in Auckland by about five and sort out the room back at the New President. Get sent out to grab some web time to send an e-mail about the balloon trip and that's where I'm now, in a bright orange room with frantic tapping going on about me. Next stop food and an early night. Tomorrow brings one of our longest drives as we kick off the day at Waitomo to visit the gloworm caves and from their to Rotorua.

Of Treaties, Chowder, Tramping and More Laundry

Given that the dolphin gig happened yesterday sans dolphins we dexide that today should involve a visit to Waitangi to the Treaty House. Of course this with us is never straightforward and with wet clothes from yesterday involves a trip for me to the hotel laundry to wash and dry clothes. I take the Notpod with me and a bunch of postcards. My postcard habit for the unlucky few is monumentally stoopid. Ashleigh, Margaret, Mattie and my folks will receive a card a day. Work will no doubt suffer a couple and then there is Annette etc. The problem is each card must be different. Anyway the cards see me through the wash and a bit of the dry. Music is sweet, all I need is a coffee and a seat and I'd be perfectly content. The good news is I don't fall asleep in the laundry today.

Back at the room and we dump pics on the Archos and clean the camera's discs. Cal is enjoying New Zealand kids TV. Clamber into the car head off for breakfast at 36 Degrees South, Monst has bacon and eggs, Cal bacon and toast, I opt for blueberry pancakes, grilled banana and bacon. By far the most poshly presented breakfast I've ever had. Pity to demolish it but it needs eating and good it was too!

Waitangi Treaty grounds is the next call, the venue where the relationship between the Maori and British crown was established. Interesting treaty you've gotta wonder how far it was carried out.

Seems to me that there is a eurocentric gloss to the interpretation. White man comes along and paternalistically stops infighting between Maori people by offering them Crown protection. Interestingly the protection is only offered when the French are sniffing about. However you do get the vibe the Maori took on the Empire on at least some of their own terms. Really though I don't have a shred of evidence for these assumptions. Anyway to celebrate the treaty they built a meeting house and large war canoe in 1940. The carvings are amazing.

We catch a live celebration of Maori culture before we go round, all poi, songs and haka, quite fun and obviously with loads of in jokes amongst the performers. Not certain where 'Stairway to Heaven' fits in though.

Grab lunch at the cafe at the Treaty grounds, great local fish chowder, Monst has mince and Cal nicks some of my chowder.

See a sign to Haruru Falls and head there. Monst and Cal decide to tramp back to Waitangi and send me to meet them with the car. Listen to the Chills and sure enough after about an hour or so they turn up. Good stuff. They are soaked though so we return to the hotel. Monst visits the laundrette and the we go to a Pizzeria. Given the quality of the food earlier in the day this is an adequate dining experience. Still it does explain the mystery of the tall black which turns out to be a couple of espresso. Coffee is good!

Back to the hotel, Monst irons, sleep.

Of Laundrettes, Jet Lag and Driving

Monst braves the laundry room tonight. Only a cold wash option and the dryer is dreadful. To the extent that when all are asleep the drying elf comes out and goes and does a last cycle of drying on the clothes that remained damp. Marginal tech hitch is that te reason the others are asleep is that old devil called jetlag. I wake up an hour later sat on the stairs outside the laundry room. Still the clothes are dry!

Cal is up at five, so he's getting better on the sleep front. I read him another chapter of 'How to Train Your Dragon'. Monst mutters dark things about the hour of the day but rises at about 6.30. We load the car and go for breakfast before checking out. Drift up to the Bay of Islands today.

Drive up is uneventful other than it rains. We stop once for a cuppa and a slash but arrive at Piahia around 11.30'ish. Locate the folk who are meant to be taking us to see dolphins to give them the dosh. A harder task than you'd think because there are loads of people at it. Once in the office they warn us that the weather is due to be rougher tomorrow than today so we opt to go on the afternoon trip. Quick sort out of things, lunch of good homemade veg soup for me and we're off on a dual tour round the islands in the Bay of Islands and to find dolphins. The dolphins are having a laugh and aren't about but orca are. Absolutely amazing seeing them in the wild doing their own thing. We learn among other things that the Killer Whale tag is a nonsense, they are in fact dolphins with a mean streak and are at the top of the food chain. Round here they hunt ray in pairs, ripping the things apart and not eating the liver which is poisonous to them. I watched one of the Beebs inumerable nature programmes with Bill Oddie in which he said the world would be a much happier place if people saw whales and marine mammels more often because a boat full of people who've seen them just smile, he's right, happy household. So fail to swim with dolphins but do see orcas, fair trade I'd say.

For Cal though the trip was also about speed. He stands at the front of the boat as we scoot along at a fair lick, jumping up and down every time we hit a particularly big wave, yelling 'Woo Hoo'. Nice to see him happy. The down side is that its still pissing down and one of us has to stand with him for safety's sake. I draw the short straw and get soaked and learn that travelling at speed through rain is like having someone throw fine gravel at your face. Good trip but.

Locate the hotel and dump the stuff and get changed into dry togs. Warm up with a quick shower and then head for dinner. Opt for a chinese. Portions are huge, about double the size of a portion at home but we have beef in a black peepercorn sauce and chicken in black bean sauce with garlic, topped of with a special fried rice. Too much food but it is excellent. Top stuff. Back to the hotel an early night.

Of Sleep, Midnight Feasts and the Jam Sandwich Question

Cal's Jam sandwiches pay off. On arrival in both Australia and New Zealand Monst being a decent, honest and trustworthy individual felt moved to declare there existence at the security checks. Probably the best policy but I'd've taken on the role of international jam sarnie smuggler myself. Still uneaten when we got here and with a flaked Cal in the bed they looked destined to be the furthest travelled uneaten sarnies in the business. Cal meanwhile has woken up, at 3.00 am, 4.00 am and 5.00 am and applied the Bagpuss principle. Last time it's only me who wakes and the result of Cal stating he's hungry is the consumption of the Sarnies in some desparate midnight feast situation.

Meanwhile I am now awake and psyching myself for today's bungee jump.

Monst and Cal are on a mission to source a car seat for Cal, he needs a booster to be able to see out the window. I wander off rediculously early for my bungee jump, mainly so I can find the offices of AJ Hackett in good time and have time to grab a coffee and chill. Grab a copy of the New Zealand Herald, it's like a large version of the Bolton Evening News and nip to one of the many Starbucks around. The sport naturally focus' on the Rugby but Netball gets a look in to along with racing and golf.

Wander round taking photies a plrnty on a misty morning. Get kinda lost looking for Westhaven Drive and resort to a bait shop for directions. They try flogging me a fishing rod in a jokey way suggesting I could give it a go while jumping. I mutter things about worm dangling. I enjoy the walk. Ask for further directions in the ominously titled Sitting Duck Cafe and find the Hackett Office. Wander round and find the gaff. Marginal complication, no jumps until the fog clears. They offer to run me back to Viaduct or suggest the Sitting Duck. I opt for the latter and try to contact Monst. The old girl I asked for directions asks if I decided not to jump. Explain it's useful to be able to see boats coming (this answers an earlier query of mine that I hadn't voiced - you jump when there aren't boats coming). Grab a coffee and am stunned by the aray of what look to me like the most amazing home made cakes. Resist the temptation. Nice buzz about the Sitting Duck, worth sitting in. I enjoy being able to just relax. Should have dragged Cal here an old girl has just received the largest stack of pancakes I've seen. Nice place they seem happy for you to hang around doing little in the way of using the facilities. I have little to read having been through the New Zealand Herald earlier (alarmingly find myself scanning for health articles!) Then I remember my encounter with a Hare Krishna rep yesterday. He caught me at a moment where I was knackered in the extreme and when he started on about the Bible's expunging of the concept of re-incarnation (was it ever there) and asked me my opinion of religion, I unfortunately told him. Dunno how many people he has to deal with that tell him '.... And don't get me on the subject of predestination'. Mind you I doubt he gets many punters that are that bothered by 17th century religous attitudes and beliefs. Anyway he gave me in return for a nominal donation a copy of 'Beyond Birth and Death', it's summat to read....

Message comes through from Monst and we arrange to meet at the Maratime Museum later. Think Cal will enjoy it, Monst certainly will. Good news is she's sourced a car seat and flask.

Bungee jumping, the most bizarre thing. Things I'm not expecting - the fear of not jumping is bigger than the fear of jumping. The full story begins with the bondage scene at Hacketts, climbing into the harness shows how my sense of balance is wrecked. The piss poor jokes show the tension. The weather is just lifting and there are questions about whether we jump or not. Then there is the walk along the underside of the bridge, you get clipped to a wire, you're about to jump off the bloody thing but safety dictates you clip on to climb it. Actually the whole thing is incredibly safety conscious, all carabiners and safety ropes. When we get to the pod (it looks like it's been nicked from a stray airship) there is a predetermined jump order. A geezer called Alan jumps first and makes an impressive job of it. I jump third. As my legs get strapped into the harness that'll connect to the Bungee I get some time to ponder will I/should I back out, do I really not believe in any deities. Jump first go with a smidge of hesitation and the sensation is nothing like I expect. I wxpect it to feel like the dreaded twitch in the night where you feel like you're falling in your sleep. This has no sensation of fall other than the water coming at you somewhat fast. I also expect the bounces to be jerky, they're smooth. Mind you I'm busy counting bounces because four in I need to release myself, so maybe that keeps my mind busy. Credit to Lynton who's wife didn't tell him she'd bought him a jump for his birthday and didn't tell him until they arrived at the airport. Nice, couple I liked 'em.

Post-bungee get the T-shirt and am instructed to meet the folks across the water at Devonport where they've visited a second world war battery, having spent the morning at the Maritime Museum. Inspired by this Cal asked to go on a boat. Subsequently they've gone to a play park. Cal has had a huge breakfast and didn't want any lunch. Monst is starving and we head to a chippy where Monst eats hoki and chips, I munch a cheese toastie, Cal nicks fish and chips. Good they were too. Nip to the local record shack and locate a fine NZ rack and come away with 'Submarine Bells' which Flying Nun have re-released. Looks like the indies are faves to stock NZ music, odd.

Home, all knackered, Monst does a wash, I fetch food and Cal does his scrapbook and kips. I want too post food but have a dryer to attend to.

Boy in the Bubble

I don't have a mid-air blog option so a notebook suffices until I can get at technology. It's quaint and old fashioned but kinda works.

So the plane comes equipped with the usual long haul gear of pillows, headphones and blankets. LCD screens provide the entertainment in the form of film/TV/games. More of that later.

Cal has some sort of junior fun pack shoved at him and I'm kind of thinking so far so airline until food comes around. They give Cal a child friendly meal, a meal he eats negating the need for the pile of jam sandwiches that like Blue Peter I prepared earlier. This impresses me more than a little.

Of the entertainment, there are the usual kids blockbusters, 'Curious George' and 'Ice Age II' but I opt for the classic 'Young Frankenstein'. The only problem is it makes me laugh out loud, a faux pas on any form of transport you don't control yourself. Actually this whole entertainment thing is the boon and bane of modern travel, you can sit in your own personal space so easily but you lose the social conversation with the poor sod sat next to you. I'm sure Jo who is also on her way to New Zealand is more than a little relieved she can escape conversation with me beyond a few pleasantries and to ask me to shift because she needed the bog.

The notebook itself does promote conversation with the old girl behind Monst who has the same model. Turns out she's Ida's boss. Small world or what. Can't escape the NHS anywhere.

02.45 GMT and I climb into the Notpod for a little Goldrush. Nice.

Arrived safely in Dubai, we hit a buffet breakfast in which pork is noticibly absent. I wasn't aware that beef bacon was feasible as an option and having eaten it it should perhaps be a culinary experiment left alone. The veal sausages were OK though.

Stop here is for a couple of hours. Enough time for the Dubai airport shopping experience which we skip and a quick change of clothing following an extremely welcome shower at the leisure club of the hotel that sits in departures. The power shower is better than the massage chairs of Manchester. If you find yourself travelling through Dubai for $13 you get clean and pummeled by the jet of water. Much revived by the experience.

Here's summat I hadn't bargained on, a stop in Melbourne. The planes. A bit like a local bus, goes all round the world on its way to where you want to be. It's now twelve hours to Melbourne, the stop in Melbourne is to change crews and presumably refuel. This is probably as well because I don't fancy a swim with knackered cabin crew throwing hissy fits all over the place.

Having previously slagged off the whole personal entertainment thing I now make the most of the vast choice I have so chill to Miles Davis' 'Kind of Blue' (yes I know I usually mutter things about jazz being musical masturbation but inconsistency with music I'd fine).

Behind me on the plane sits Major Dennis Bloodknock who is a frequent flyer to Australia usually with BA/Quantas. Apparently they changed their frequent flyer programme (should read the Tesco points story available from the Fade Library) and he lost out big style. Somebody told him Emirates were OK but he's not impressed. From what I overhear this is due to the security demand he remove his belt which led to his trousers falling down. He's generally not impressed with Dubai which when he was soldierin' was a nice little desert kingdom and didn't pander to nancy tourists.

Seating on this leg of the journey is awkward. We're at the back of the plane at the point where the central seating drops from four seats to three. Everythings is therefore slightly off centre, the arm rests are rigid and don't move so sleep must come in an upright position. Distinct lack of leg room to, even for a short arse like me. Still 11.19 hours to Melbourne, yipee!

5519 miles to Melbourne and I watch 'Kinky Boots', I remember the doc it was based on. Predictably I enjoy it as a film even though it retreads the 'Full Monty' ground. Apparently we're somewhere near the Maldives about which I know nothing. I do however know there are no black sheep on Mauritius which is nowhere near where we are now.

For years the punchline to a joke about durex machines, I now listen to Johnny Cash. We're only 8 hours from Melbourne. Some where in the Indian Ocean nearby is Gan. Deep joy!

Down to the last three hours to Melbourne, feels like its been that way for at least three hours. My head is all over the place trying to make sense of what time it is now. We are due to arrive at Melbourne around 05.30, my watch says it is 23.59 and apparently its around 4 in the afternoon in the UK. Time for tea then! At least we are now somewhere over Australia between Bunbury and Albany.

So we visit Australia, all be it an airport. It's like visiting London and getting no further than Heathrow! Raises an interesting question, is an airport soverign territory or do you have to clear customs to have visited a place? Grab coffee and some travel pillows.

Flight to Auckland a mere three hour trip. I kip most of the way. Clear customs with some of the friendliest officials I've ever dealt with. Sort the car and upgrade from a Ka to a Focus. Monst does a top job of navigating us to the New President. Sort out parking and then while Cal and Monst kip, a very knackered me goes in search of places to grab food later and to the Maritime Museum as the schedule suggests. Nice gaff, need to bring Cal here tomorrow. Grab food at the Mai Thai as a takeaway.

Vibrating Seats

Scran, boredom results in tour of the airport shops, Monst and Cal settle down to a film. I attempt to blog. Plan is for a dry trip, because I've read it reduces jet lag, and I have to drive at the other end. Normally I'd be less bothered but after a long haul I'm taking no risks.

Other preparatory element is an adventure in a massage chair. Very relaxing having your back beaten up by an inanimate object for three hundred seconds. Could do with one at home.

Manchestaaahhh

At least that's what the sign says. Currently in what using the patent Malone-Lee chanting spelling system I know to be a Q U E U E, a year pre-a levels the geezer taught me and that's what I remember him for most. Check-in opens in twenty minutes so I have plenty of time to observe the airport, nip for a quick slash and suffer jealousy as a result of coffee in the hands of a family ahead of us in the (let's see how does it go?) Q U E U E.

Scream

Aaaaargh! Get me away from here!

Flight of the Heffalump

Todays the day we fly, so what do I do, head to Reggie. Few printer problems at home (a vital piece is in the loft) so nip in to print a series of emails. In the process I leave a couple of heaps of stuff for Christina. Discover that there are problems with Lorenzo and Choose & Book, laugh like a drain as a result. Home by 8.00, wash up, tidy the kitchen and blog. Now we have a day full of laundrette visits, haircuts and hanging around to look forward to. It'll be a relief to get on the bloody plane. Technorati Tags: Printer Problems, IT Problems, Reggie, Blog, More Bloody Tidying